Thursday, September 18, 2008

The following story is floating around the internet/email world and I thought I would comment.

DELTONA, Fla. (AP) -- An angry Deltona father whacked his teenage daughter's boyfriend with a metal pipe after finding the boy naked in his daughter's room. Authorities say the father, 45, didn't even know his daughter had a boyfriend or that the youngster had been sneaking into the home for more than a year.

When he heard noises coming from his daughter's bedroom Thursday morning and saw a stranger standing naked on the girl's bed, he swung a metal pipe. He then chased the teen out the front door and called police.

The boy was taken to the hospital where doctors closed a head wound with staples.

The father was charged with aggravated battery on a child and bonded out on $10,000.


--My response--

I really enjoy getting my ire up over a good scandal. However, thinking it over, is this the appropriate response to the story, or is there more for me to learn. Here is my take for those who wish to read on. If you do not, then don't, I won't be hurt.
"Naked on his daughter's bed," Perhaps the kid deserved a pipe to his head. Apparently though, this father has some severe communication issues with his daughter. This guy had been sneaking in and out for more than a year and the father didn't even know it?! I would say that the greater evil hear was done by the father to his daughter, there was an apparent relationship breakdown at some point, either 1) This father was an absentee, more sold to his work than his family, or 2) This father was a severe disciplinarian, to the extent that his daughter didn't even feel comfortable telling him about this boyfriend, or 3) both. I have faced the fact that I am a product of what has happened in my life, both good and bad, this daughter was also the product of what happened in her life, largely what was learned behavior from her parents. It seems obvious that, though her actions were wrong and must be acknowledged as such, she learned in her family to hide and withhold information (read: lie, deceive). I will blame her parents for this, likely her father.
Taking the look at the father, he seems to have a rage issue, maybe this is the very reason that his daughter kept it from him. He's lucky for his sake he wasn't carrying a gun because instead of a $10,000 fine, he would be doing time for murder (granted, 2nd degree). I can only hope that this father learned from this experience and that he can acknowledge his own problems. It will not do him, or anyone else, any good if he blames his action on this boy sneaking into his house. The fact of the matter is that he swung the pipe in rage. Justifiable? When I allow my personal emotion to turn into rage and I allow that rage to control my actions, am I ever justified in doing so? The Bible says "In your anger do not sin." I suggest that allowing ANYTHING, but the Spirit to control us is wrong. One may say that this is a Spirit-controlled rage, yet even under old testament law this type of action was not punishable corporately (that is, with injury to the body). Yes this is mentioned in O.T. law, as I recall the action is that the father is supposed to either allow the man to marry his daughter, or not and a sacrifice is needed. The daughter also requires a sacrifice for her part in it. Those who are parents understand that there is a difference between discipline and injury, this was not discipline. If it is not discipline then it is an undisciplined action. God does not will that I should take part in any action that is void of discipline. I suggest that this man was acting in a manner completely out of character from what God has created for us to live in, his action was wrong and his punishment is appropriate.
The daughter in this case is most definitely in need of corrective action. She ought to have a punishment for behaving as a prostitute. It may not have been for money, but she was definitely rewarding her dear boyfriend's behavior. At very least, she is in desperate need of discipline from an adult whom she respects (I feel that her father has totally lost that respect for a time, at least in her mind). Yes, she did dishonor her parents. Yet, I am left to wonder exactly what her home life was like, how she was taught to behave. For all we know, her father sexually, physically, or verbally abused her. If this is the case that I cannot say that her actions are totally without reason. I do think however that it is obvious that she knew there was an element of "wrong" that was tied with what she was doing, I say this because she went behind her parents back. Though she may have done this for other reasons. Let's face it, in our world today this is not uncommon behavior for a teen. I am taking a stab that where she came from this was a largely accepted behavior. I can try and convince myself that people still know right from wrong. Kids today, though, grow up watching their parents shoot up drugs, pass out from alcohol abuse, beat their parents and them, (I even know a girl who saw a person get stabbed to death in her living room when she was 10). I know there is a lot wrong with those things, but I am probably going to practice them anyway if that is how I grow up. I do notice that there is nothing mentioned in the article about how this whole situation came about, or the home life. It is left open to speculation which leaves us open to get indignant. I suggest that this girl needs to own her mistake, acknowledge the error in her behavior and work on living her life in a manner that is more or less socially acceptable.
Now to the boy. I have to be honest here, I might have done the same thing for sex given a different set of variables growing up. I am bombarded with images and messages about sex every day, I am left feeling that sex is really the best high out there. I can only imagine that this is even greater felt by a hormone-crazed teenager. I also feel as though this young man is the least to blame in this situation. His girl was obviously very consenting and this is how the relationship went. I don't blame him for any more than I blame any other teenage boy for wanting (and getting) sex. I do not think it makes it right, I just think that the wrong being done is no greater than getting it on in a car somewhere. Back to the control issue though, this young man was not letting the Spirit control him, OBVIOUSLY! If he is not a Believer can I blame him. What he seems to need is a mentor, or leader in his life that can teach him, coach him, guide him in self-control and Godly behavior. Again, I feel that the father has temporarily lost all credibility in the eyes of these two young adults. I feel that it will be difficult for this young man put any sort of faith in an adult male figure after this experience.
I will face this fact, "I am guilty of sin unto death." Without the grace of God, I haven't got a chance, period. The same is true here with all the people involved. Am I any less guilty than any of them are? And thus for me to say that any one of them to have a right to their action is a judgement, is it not? Judgement is not my job, it is God's job. Are any of their action inexcusable as far as God is concerned? I guess it depends on whether they have put their faith in Him. If they have then I am left only to consider the judgement of the court based on human law. I think that the ruling was fair, I think that it would have been more fair had the father been judged for poor parenting. I truly feel that poor-parenting was the greatest misdeed in this whole situation, and that to follow that up with rage taken out with a pipe on a young man was only a minor misdeed, unfortunatly the only one really punishable by law.

2 comments:

  1. As a mother of an almost-14-year-old daughter, I can honestly say that it is hard for me to comprehend this was going on for a year and the girls father had no idea. Maybe Im just a light sleeper. I agree with you - the boy is LUCKY he only had his head split open. Along with the girls father being totally oblivious, where'd the boys parents think he was in the middle of the night throughout the year? Good grief! Parents need to be more responsible for their children, and what their children are DOING.

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  2. Thank you for your input. A child must know that their parents care enough for them to be involved, sometimes downright intrusive. I think that your light sleeping is a great blessing to your daughter (though it may drive you nuts).

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Your input is appreciated.